Long before Iyith, was formed from the primordial chaos, the Gods created a weapon of great and terrible power. Many wars were fought over it, many people died in its name, families turned on each for they were so drawn to its power. Eventually the Gods hid this weapon away for fear that its power would destroy the mortal realm and erased all mention of it from the histories of the world. It stayed hidden until a mysterious elf found it, fearing its power, he hid it away in a secret room in a holy place underneath a desk. There it stayed hidden until its greatness drew the attention of 6 intrepid adventures…
Our heroes continue their journey in Lorholt in unfavorable circumstances. Corrin, having just come out of the underground lair, poked his head up and was met with an arrow in the face. Feeling a strange surge of grappling power come over him and Davynn, the duo promptly pulled this would be assailant into the basement while Kern, also inspired by the spiritus aprehendit (the legendary will of the grapple) secured the prisoner. After various unsuccessful negotiation/intimidation attempts, their prisoner refused to talk which lead to him being knocked the fuck out.
The party then tried to plan the best route of escape from the Falanuran, but were constantly interrupted by their prisoner waking up, which was quickly remedied. There planning session was cut short by an arrow hitting the building they were in forcing them to take action. Annie, Davynn, Corrin, and Ulric made a mad dash to the river, which ended up being more or less successful. They ended up making it down there, but half the group ended up paralyzed by the needle traps that had been laid by the Falanuran. Luckily Annie was able to turn into “a magnificent specimen and a straight beaut” of a crocodile before she succumbed to paralysis, allowing Ulric and Corrin to use her as a floatation device across the poop river (I don’t remember it’s actual name, or if it was given one so poop river is canon in my head), although it pooped them out they successfully made it to the safer side of the river .
Meanwhile Kern and Xylund drew fire from the quickly approaching Falanuran. The held the building until to group made it to the water and then sprinted to the river with a dilapidated table overhead providing cover. Although they successfully dodged most of the poisoned arrows, Xylund was hit by one and Kern stepped on a needle trap. Luckily, Xylund was not paralyzed but he seemed to be struck by yew and he made Kern move, because he was standing still (almost). Then their bodies matched what the set out to do and then the moved right through: them on their way to poo.
Upon getting to the river bank, Xylund and Kern used their old table to float across the river. However, there was only room for one of them on it so Kern insisted that Xylund take it so that he could stay out of the cold poop. They spent hours waiting for a rescue ship in the freezing cold as Celine Dion played in the back ground and Xylund promised to never let go as Kern courageously fought to stay afloat, but eventually succumbed to the hypothermia. At least that’s how Kern remembers it, because he totally wasn’t a little bitch that couldn’t move the makeshift life raft despite his extensive experience in water. Eventually rescue came in the form of the S.S. Annie piloted by Capt. Corrin. And they made their way to safety. Ulric meanwhile had “secured” Davynn in a safe place and went to get a drink.
When the passengers of Annie hit shore they realized that they couldn’t carry a giant crocodile around without attracting attention, so Kern and Xylund attempted to put Annie out of her misery. However, Corrin, despite his stature provided to be quite the obstacle so they decided to try and find someone who could cure Davynn and Annie. Ulric, Xylund, and Kern scouted around town for someone who could cure the paralysis of their friends, only to find an old woman who likes to bury people alive.
Returning unsuccessfully they found Corrin finger painting and attempting to eat a strange powder from the fun dip packet of death that they had taken from their Elven prisoner, who they left to a horrible fate underneath a bed in Falanuran territory (it was his fault for not talking when he had the chance).
Eventually the party decided to go back to The Girl with the Shark Tattoo and show him what they found. After entering the tide headquarters with 2 paralyzed people and covered in poo they presented the box and paper’s that they brought back. Luckily, they were enough to satisfy the Happy Days episode where Fonzi jumps the shark and he promised the party that they would have a caravan to get them out of the city at the Green gate at dawn.
Upon leaving the tide and Sharkypants, most the part returned to the house of lady favors to get washed up and introduce Annie to the concept of a reverse harem. Kern meanwhile went to make sure Bowyn was still where they left her and that she was good to go in the morning and leave through the Red gate. With all the dangerous stuff done (hopefully) and 2 paralyzed members, the party rested up ready to face the next day and get out of this non magical city.