Adventures in Iyith

"I can do all thing through the Grappling Gun who gives me strength"- Gnomians 4:16
Episode 10

Long before Iyith, was formed from the primordial chaos, the Gods created a weapon of great and terrible power.  Many wars were fought over it, many people died in its name, families turned on each for they were so drawn to its power. Eventually the Gods hid this weapon away for fear that its power would destroy the mortal realm and erased all mention of it from the histories of the world.  It stayed hidden until a mysterious elf found it, fearing its power, he hid it away in a secret room in a holy place underneath a desk. There it stayed hidden until its greatness drew the attention of 6 intrepid adventures…

 

Our heroes continue their journey in Lorholt in unfavorable circumstances.  Corrin, having just come out of the underground lair, poked his head up and was met with an arrow in the face.  Feeling a strange surge of grappling power come over him and Davynn, the duo promptly pulled this would be assailant into the basement while Kern, also inspired by the spiritus aprehendit (the legendary will of the grapple) secured the prisoner.  After various unsuccessful negotiation/intimidation attempts, their prisoner refused to talk which lead to him being knocked the fuck out.

 

The party then tried to plan the best route of escape from the Falanuran, but were constantly interrupted by their prisoner waking up, which was quickly remedied. There planning session was cut short by an arrow hitting the building they were in forcing them to take action.  Annie, Davynn, Corrin, and Ulric made a mad dash to the river, which ended up being more or less successful.  They ended up making it down there, but half the group ended up paralyzed by the needle traps that had been laid by the Falanuran.  Luckily Annie was able to turn into “a magnificent specimen and a straight beaut”  of a crocodile before she succumbed to paralysis, allowing Ulric and Corrin to use her as a floatation device across the poop river (I don’t remember it’s actual name, or if it was given one so poop river is canon in my head), although it pooped them out they successfully made it to the safer side of the river . 

 

Meanwhile Kern and Xylund drew fire from the quickly approaching Falanuran.  The held the building until to group made it to the water and then sprinted to the river with a dilapidated table overhead providing cover.  Although they successfully dodged most of the poisoned arrows, Xylund was hit by one and Kern stepped on a needle trap.  Luckily, Xylund was not paralyzed but he seemed to be struck by yew and he made Kern move, because he was standing still (almost).  Then their bodies matched what the set out to do and then the moved right through: them on their way to poo.

 

Upon getting to the river bank, Xylund and Kern used their old table to float across the river.  However, there was only room for one of them on it so Kern insisted that Xylund take it so that he could stay out of the cold poop.  They spent hours waiting for a rescue ship in the freezing cold as Celine Dion played in the back ground and Xylund promised to never let go as Kern courageously fought to stay afloat, but eventually succumbed to the hypothermia. At least that’s how Kern remembers it, because he totally wasn’t a little bitch that couldn’t move the makeshift life raft despite his extensive experience in water. Eventually rescue came in the form of the S.S. Annie piloted by Capt. Corrin. And they made their way to safety.  Ulric meanwhile had “secured” Davynn in a safe place and went to get a drink.

 

When the passengers of Annie hit shore they realized that they couldn’t carry a giant crocodile around without attracting attention, so Kern and Xylund attempted to put Annie out of her misery.  However, Corrin, despite his stature provided to be quite the obstacle so they decided to try and find someone who could cure Davynn and Annie.  Ulric, Xylund, and Kern scouted around town for someone who could cure the paralysis of their friends, only to find an old woman who likes to bury people alive.

 

Returning unsuccessfully they found Corrin finger painting and attempting to eat a strange powder from the fun dip packet of death that they had taken from their Elven prisoner, who they left to a horrible fate underneath a bed in Falanuran territory (it was his fault for not talking when he had the chance). 

 

Eventually the party decided to go back to The Girl with the Shark Tattoo and show him what they found.  After entering the tide headquarters with 2 paralyzed people and covered in poo they presented the box and paper’s that they brought back. Luckily, they were enough to satisfy the Happy Days episode where Fonzi jumps the shark and he promised the party that they would have a caravan to get them out of the city at the Green gate at dawn.

 

Upon leaving the tide and Sharkypants, most the part returned to the house of lady favors to get washed up and introduce Annie to the concept of a reverse harem. Kern meanwhile went to make sure Bowyn was still where they left her and that she was good to go in the morning and leave through the Red gate.  With all the dangerous stuff done (hopefully) and 2 paralyzed members, the party rested up ready to face the next day and get out of this non magical city.

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Lorholt adventures, part2, the reckoning, reloaded: Cult of the grappling gun
Episode 9

With our heroes finishing a productive meeting with Shark Bait Oh Ah Ha they set out on their quest to find a locked box. Even though they totally knew where they were going and how to get there, they still had some hurdles to get over.  Getting proper equipment was relatively easy thanks to the suave and smexy Ulric who procured for them all the supplies that a good burglar would need.  Once everything was purchased the group realized that they were lacking something vital.  No, they weren’t lacking a decent plan.  No, they weren’t lacking a specific location with a good idea of what to get from it.  Alas, what was missing was a grappling gun. Roused by this new devotion gnomish engineering the party took upon themselves a holy quest.  One that would lead them to the promised land of grappling guns.

Cut short by certain people’s desire to get the plot moving and not dwell on how awesome grappling guns are, the party eventually decides to make their way through Lorholt to where Shark Fin soup told them to go.  Knowing that they’d probably be in danger, the party tried to take an inconspicuous path to where the Falanuran district was.  Despite being the stealthiest people to ever exist, they were slightly noticed.  On their way through one of the poorer districts they basically rampaged through multiple homes and camps as locals looked on in fear at these crazy people gallivanting on roof tops. When they got to the central river where they saw that they were about to enter enemy territory they stopped to reevaluate their plan.  Now faced by the fact that they actually had to act out their “plan” they party paused to reconsider everything. They realized that Shark week may have given them an impossible task to do, which lead to endless discussion about whether or not to abandon their current mission.

Out of sheer boredom, Corrin, decided to talk to one of the homeless people and stumbled into the plot.  Earning the trust of the common folk turned out to be a key turning point in the groups endeavor and turned them onto a possible lead.  Lead to a kid called Miles, the young boy told them about an excavation project that the Falanuran were working on and where they could find it. 

Excitedly, the party ferried their way across to poop river via the S.S. Ann(ie).  Curious as to why the entire town seemed abandoned, the party “snuck” into what appeared to be an old shop to investigate the dig site.  They soon found a trap door that lead down to some strange underground place and additionally discovered that they had been noticed and people were currently stalking them.  Right away, most of the party jumped down through the trap while Mr. “I’m a charisma Rogue” tried convince they people tracking the party not to kill them.

Inevitably that failed and the party found themselves in an old underground basement that looked like it hadn’t been lived in for years (with the exception of one torch sconce).  Confused as to what to do next the party went all Scooby doo and split up to search for clues (if you call opening up a stuffed dwarf to find “booty” searching for clues) , which turned out to actually be useful.  After searching through the entirety of the sub terrain hidey hole, the party found a strange and familiar symbol on one of the walls and pressed it revealing a hidden room.  Very “carefully” the entire party shoved themselves into the tiny secret room and started investigating in a totally thorough and not spastic in any way manner.  Examining the room yielded a whole bunch of strange alchemic papers, a lock box, and that which had been but a mere legend an hour before hand…

Na na na na “Corrin found a Grapling gun”.

Upon getting their holy artifact, lock box, and papers, they exited the underground area and were met with an arrow directly in Corrin’s face held by a very upset elf.  Even though the party was surrounded and all hope was lost, they still knew what they had to do (first letter of every sentence).

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"We're pirates..."
Episode 8

After successfully “convincing” Sardrith to take them to the Marked who are currently in possession of Priestess Bowyn, the party concocts a full proof plan that will get them in and out of Lorholt, no problem, guaranteed, 60% of the time every time.  By simply adopting the guise of a well-known pirate crew their plan was as follows:

 

Phase one: Infiltrate Lorholt by acting like pirates and find Bowyn.

 

Phase two: ????

 

Phase three: Profit$$$ (https://www.youtube.com/<wbr />watch?v=HMuYfScGpbE)

 

The party said their good byes to general Meda and marched toward Lorholt with Sardrith in tow.  Attempting to hide her (see I finally got it right!) true power, Annie feigned having to go to a clan meeting, changed into a monkey, and then rejoined to group as said monkey without anyone in the group batting an eye.  The DM didn’t have her roll for deception to fool Sardith, so I think the role playing was so on point that it was basically just a gimmie that Sardith fully believed that a topical monkey was living in a temperate zone and just so happened to join the group 10 minutes after they lost a party member.  Things were looking up for the party.  The newly created pirate crew consisting of: Envy, Sloth, “Kid” Jack Dangerous, Jack the monkey, and Master Blaster made their way to the gates of Lorholt to see men in Crimson capes fighting a group of gnolls.

 

The party immediately noped the fuck out of there and was led by Sardrith into the sewers to the Marked, much to the dismay of Xylund/Sloth.  The sewer was also infested with the Gnoll clan of Dreckcast murderlizing people.  It was at this time they realized that magic did not work in the city of Lorholt.  (editor’s note: maybe next time we should focus on killing the Drekcast Clan, maybe that’ll get rid of the Gnoll zone in Lorholt and we’ll be able to use magic.)  Sardrith eventually led the party to her people, The Marked. Unfortunately the party didn’t get to use their incredibly well thought out and intricate plan on the Marked because it turned out that the marked was like 5 people and 3 of those 5 people already knew who the party was.  You think that Sardrith would have mentioned something like: “Oh yeah, by the way, you know those two people who locked me up in a cage like a week ago that you all saved me from?  Yeah we’re friends now and they’re part of the Marked.  So even though you have a very cool, very sexy plan it might not work on us because we already know who you are.  Oh also I forgot… We’re only 5 people…Ok got back to planning.”  However not having this information, the party had a slightly award meeting with the Marked who turned out to be more than happy to hand over Bowyn to the party because she was not worth the trouble.  Turns out that the Gnolls have a bounty on her head and it would be near impossible to get Bowyn out of the city in one piece, even if they were pirates (hehe).

 

So in an attempt to get Bowyn out of town and more importantly salvage their totally awesome and in no way hastily concocted plan, the party decided to parley with the tide.  So the first place they decided to go was where they believe they’ll have the best chance to run into someone associated with the Tide.  They headed to the market where flags bearing the tide’s emblem hung in the streets… wait… I’m getting a new update now… it turns out the party did not go to market but instead went to a whore house… Cool.  While at the house of lady favors, the party cleaned off the sewage that they had to crawl through to get into Lorholt and got a little “somethin’ somethin’” for Davynn/”kid” Jack Dangerous.  Annie/The Baroness/The Green Barroness/the former monkey formerly known as “Jack the Monkey” for some reason made a big deal about not wanted to share a bath with Kern/Envy, Xylund/Sloth, Corring/Master Blaster and was forced to use the cold baths that the ladies of the house used.

 

Upon refreshing themselves, a devilishly handsome man descended down on a cloud from plot device heaven and delivered unto the party a way to meet the Tide.  After his cunning and near God-like insight into seeing that Corrin/Master Blaster’s real name wasn’t MasterBlaster, Davynn/”kid” Jack Dangerous still riding the high on whatever happened upstairs managed to convince this lovable rogue that they were in fact pirates and that they should meet with his boss.  With their plan going perfectly, the man with a chiseled jawline so sharp it could cut iron took the part to the head of the Tide Sharkman Mcgee (once again I don’t have my notes I’m just going off memory). 

 

The party negotiates with Sharky McSharkface to try and get safe passage out of town for goods they’re going to “ship” for him and their “cargo”.  It turned out that Sharkinson Tunabreath wanted something in the city and the party of totally believable pirates needed to prove themselves to him by capturing it.  It’s all very vague, but Pope Shark Paul II did tell them that they were looking for lock boxes and to bring with them as many as they could, he even offered the rugged charlatan and number one ladies man: Ulric as help for the mission.  However, still motivated by whatever happen upstairs at “the house of the rising sun” Davynn/”kid” Jack Dangerous felt a little ballsy and took a small jab at the sexuality of the Oscar nominated film Shark Tale starring Will Smith and Jack Black.  Even though Mr. Sharknado seemed to take offense to it, but all he did was get angry and point a hollow tube at them and then send them on their way.  With that, the party set off to form another full proof plan to rob some place they don’t know, to get a mysterious object that they have no clue as to what it may be, so that they can give it the head of the Tide: The artist formerly known as Shark.  What could go wrong?  Cue heist music (https://www.youtube.com/<wbr />watch?v=XAYhNHhxN0A)

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Bewbs
Episode 7

Upon waking from their slumber, the party find themselves having been slightly altered physically.  While many enjoyed these alterations, there were two notable dissenters.   One was Xylund who attempted to wash off his tattoo with hot water from sheer embarrassment and the other was Fraggin who was quite guarded about his attitude toward his alterations, probably on the account of his alteration being death.

After confirming the loss of their companion, a closer inspection of Fraggin's body revealed rapid unnatural necrosis.  With panic in his heart Davynn rushed to go find some sort of healer to 1) try and determine what killed Fraggin and 2) make sure it wasn't contagious.  The party was "quarantined" until sufficient medical personnel could be found.  However, Xylund don't give a fuck about no quarantine and promptly broke it to the distress of the party's Elven "guards".

However, they were not kept waiting long, for the clan head of Venelis, Meriel priestess of Calishyn a.k.a naked Elf lady, came to do one of her duties as part time coroner.  After some awkward introductions on the parts of Davynn and Corrin, Meriel tells them that she will examine the body while they go meet with Tyler Perry who is set to star in his new summer block buster "Madea: Elven General of Venelis"… wait… I just checked the portal and it's spelled Meda… oooo that makes more sense I need to change the spelling in my notes.

So while meeting with General <u>MEDA</u> the party secures their alliance to go hunt down the pack of Gnolls who kidnapped Bowyn.  After a successful meeting the party returns to Fraggin to find the Elves are getting ready to burn his body and give him a proper send off.  After a touching service the party sets out from Venelis with their guide Stohana to go find some Gnolls.  On the way Stohana shows them how to activate not only the powers of their tattoos but also Davynn.

Stohana guides them to a Gnoll encampment where the party overhears the Gnolls saying that "the bitch got away."  Assuming this meant Bowyn, the party leaps into action and commences their attack.  The battle is brutal and vicious and both Kern and Davynn attempt in vain to protect people who really don't need protecting.  However, eventually all the bad guys and puppies are slaughtered with no remorse.  However, priestess Bowyn is nowhere to be found.  The party then decides to go the next known Gnoll encampment to try and find her.

They are unsuccessful, but they find General Meda carrying a prisoner that the party immediately recognizes, Sardrith WoldForge.  Although she hopes to find a friendly face among the party, she is unsuccessful as Xylund leads the party in intimidating any and all information out of her as well as demanding that she pay them back the 90 Gold she owes them.  She says that she knows where Bowyn is, but they will have to go to Lorholt, a slaver city to get her.  General Meda agrees to go with the party while Stohana, to Davynn's great dismay, decides to go back, not wanting to risk certain death in the city.

After the tense interaction, Annie, having been fed up with everyone no realizing she was a lady, drags Kern and Davyn by the ear away from the group to criticize them for mistaking her for a man for the last  2 weeks.  Not knowing how to take this Kern digs himself into an even bigger hole and Davynn is shellshocked.  With this misunderstanding cleared up the party journeys toward Lorholt and the adventures that await them there.

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They've Taken the Priestess to Isengard!
Episode 6

After the battle of the Kobold Casbah (that the Shareef didn’t like) the party takes a well-earned victory rest.  Team “others” wake up in a fit claiming to have been attacked by dragons.  After calming them down and several chips out of a Kobold Fresco.  The party takes New Kobold friend, not to be confused with Kobold friend (may his soul fly on wings of wyverns to the great breath weapon in the sky followed by a sweet choir of barking badgers), and Gnoll friend to the entrance of the cave to go look for Priestess Bowyn. 

 

With sad and mournful goodbyes to new Kobold friend the party turns their attention to Gnoll friend to ask where Bowyn is being kept.  After being less than helpful, Gnoll friend is rendered inert.  Annie takes it upon itself (still could go either way on this) to transform into a dire wolf and track the scent of the Gnoll back to their camp.  The party sets off on an epic over world chase much like Aragorn, Gimili and Legolas did in the Two Towers.  Gnoll friend wakes up during this but is quickly shown the errors of his ways and decides not to interfere with the party anymore (partly due to being knocked unconscious).  Our heroes stumble upon the remnants of a Gnoll camp on the outskirts of the treaty woods.  After discussing if they should rest, everyone decides to press onward to try and save Bowyn ASAP.  Needing rest, Kern and Davynn tie themselves to Annie in attempts to get some sleep and get in some quality cuddle time.

 

In the treaty woods Gnoll friend wakes up and strikes a bargain with the party.  He leads them to a “hairy vegetable” in return for his freedom.  This hairy vegetable turns out to be a random pub in the middle of the woods name the fuzzy onion (I think that’s the name, I don’t have my notes on me.  I’m writing this at work because I’m waiting on someone to get back to me and I have absolutely no idea when that will happen.  It could be in 5 min or it could be in 5 hours, who knows might as well do something productive with my time.)  On the cusp of suffering alcohol withdraw symptoms, Xylund fearlessly leads the charge into the pub.  Annie goes out into the woods to try and find other druids but is unsuccessful and instead leaves the following message in a tree “124 M/F Elf druid LF M/F companionship.  Please do not contact me with unsolicited offers or proposals.”

 

Once drinks are had at the bar Davynn starts asking around for a guide to lead them to the Gnoll tribe that shoots lightning.  The bar keep points them over to a group of Elves (capital E very important) who appear to know the woods very well.  After haggling for the price of their guidance the Elves agree to show them to the Gnoll tribe.  Another round is had and tattoos in various places are shown off.  Both Davynn and Corrin lose about a gallon of blood between the two of them due to the nose bleeds they get from seeing the female Elf show of some of her tattoos.  Kern also begrudgingly shows off a tattoo of dubious origins that he has and is reluctant to talk about it.

 

The party with their guides set off to go find Bowyn in the woods.  However, they run into another group of Elves that appear to be injured and are forced to make camp at the elvish campsite that night at the request of scary Elvish general lady.  The lead guide is extremely excited for the party to come back to camp with her and promises that they will find Bowyn the next day (or their money back!).  Once at the Elvin camp some sort of party with good wine and dank kush happens that Kern doesn’t really remember.  At some point the party decides to get tattoos on the behest of their Elvish guide.  Kern ends up being a lame-o and is the only one who doesn't acquiesce, but the rest of the party get tatted up by the local tattoo artist.  With that the party goes to sleep for the night to the sounds of the festival still raging.

 

Oh, also the party is dragging along an unconscious dwarf that they don’t know what to do with.

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IT'S A GOD DAMN RACE WAR
Episode 5

Our heroes start this part of their adventure peacefully resting in the carcass of a baby dragon in the hall of Kobolds.  The party is woken up by the sounds of doggo barks and the tiny pitter patter of footsteps. Before they can react, Corrin, Annie, and Fraggin are sucked up into a mysterious orb by a Kobold mage.  The Kobold mage and his entourage flee from the rest of the party and team Hooman follow to free their friends (friends…friends…friends).

While traversing the dungeon Xylund, Davynn, and Kern become far more interested in the parties marching order and the condition of Davynn’s skin than retrieving the rest of the party.  Kern is concerned about Davynn not wearing any armor, but sees that do to the distress and itching that it causes him agrees that for now it’s better for him not to wear his armor.  After coming to terms with Davynn’s mysterious condition (probably dragon AIDS), Davynn convinces both his compatriots that maybe killing everything in sight and waving the head of their dead god around is not the best way to make friends (friends…friends…friends).

With the (baby) face of the party now taking the lead, team not nonhuman successfully diplomacize their way to the leader of the Kobolds.  Davynn receives an odd sort of respect from the small lizard people and learns that his friends (friends…friends…friends) are in fact in the weird ass orb the mage is carrying.  Before much more can be learned a cadre of Gnolls show up wanting the orb.  Kern seeing how successful Davynn was at talking, attempts to do the same to try and ease the obvious tension between the Kobolds and Gnolls. After learning that the Gnolls have kidnapped Bowyn (the person the party was sent to find, I know it’s kinda hard to remember with all the bloodshed), Davynn blows caution to the wind in an almost literal sense by thunderwaving a group of Gnolls thus starting the battle.  After a vicious battle where Kobold friend (friends…friends…friends) unfortunately dies and Xylund legitimately hits things, Davynn, Xylund, and Kern kill the Gnoll invaders and subdue one of them to act as a future guide.

Although the Kobolds are “grateful” they are still cautious of the party.  Team “least likely to have hate crimes commited against them” learn that not only can the orb absorb people, but that it can summon shadow doggos and that it was given to Mr. Kobold mage by Bowyn.  Agreeing to table whether they should take the orb by force from him, they convince him to let their friends out.  The second half of the party emerges from the orb in a slumber. Agreeing to rest until everyone wakes up, Davynn secures Mr. mage as a “willing” escort out of the cave because they are such great friends (friends…friends…friends)

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What is a god to a murder hobo?
Episode 4

Awakening from a restful sleep and after wiping out every Gnoll in sight, the part sets off to continue their quest to find priestess Bowyn.  Lead by their new Kobold friend, the adventurers trek through the forest to a cave emanating hot air.  Immediately upon entering the cave their Kobold friend flees to parts unknown.

The party then sets off to explore the caverns.  Following the kobolds path the party EXPERTLY navigates a tight chasm meant to be traversed only by Kobolds.  Upon further delving, the heroes run headlong into a young red dragon that may or may not be responsible for the destruction of Hallowacre and may be the god of a group of Kobolds… who knows.  An epic fight ensues with many of the party almost going down.  The dragon is eventually felled by Xylund who manages to not only hit the beast, but also crit smite it.

After celebrating their success and taking their trophies from the dragon (Xylund’s being the severed head that I’m assuming is just hanging from his belt), our heroes explore the cave further in attempts to find treasure.  Their searching rewards them with a secret passage to a lower level of the dungeon.

In the second <s>ring of Iri’s hell </s>level of the dungeon the part stumbles upon some Kobolds.  Not wanting to immediately cause a race war, Kern cautions patience in order to try and talk to them… and is rewarded with an attempt to blow out his knee cap.  With that the party realizes that one genocide of a species is not enough and gets to murderlizing the Kobold of the dungeon.  Between skirmishes and traps (set off by mainly Davynn and Corrin flying headlong into adventure), the party find an injured Dwarf named Fraggin who decides to tag along for some reason.  After gaining minimal information about the companion, the party is ambushed by more Kobold and BEES.

Additional fights and traps ensue as the party pushes the kobold further and further back into the dungeon.  The partly learns more about Davynn and Xylund when they are covered by a corrosive ooze.  Specifically, that Davynn has more mystical powers and Xylund cannot afford to lose his armor, both monetarily and psychologically as shown by his break down.

Corrin, leading the charge against the Kobolds retreating from Annie’s bear form finds himself in a Kobold den surrounded by roughly 15 enemies consisting of kobolds, dire rats, and giant weasels all by himself.  After a nerve racking fight where the entire party almost runs out of hp and spells and Xylund brandishes the head of their god to strike fear into the kobold' s hearts, our heroes allow 3 Kobolds to escape to what appears to be a dead end.  Exhausted from the trials and tribulations of the day the party retreats to the upper level of the dungeon to make camp for the night.  The party falls asleep to the gentle sounds of Kern “curing Xylund’s wounds” ready to explore the rest of the dungeon.

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THUNDERBOLTS AND LIGHTNING VERY VERY FRIGHTENING ME
Episode 3

With our heroes at the mouth of the cave of the viscous scourge of the city of  Hallowacher.  They decide to enter and explore the interior.  The party attempts to stealth in on the expected dragon's lair with the unfortunate handicap of two sets of cymbals named Kern and Xylund following them.  While sneaking, everyone except Corrin comes down with a bad case of the giggles.  The party eventually happens upon a small living space where Corrin immediately starts looting commonplace items.  Not long into this the party meets a young copper dragon who attempts to communicate with the party by offering a translation ring.  After a thorough and thoughtful discussion of who would be the best ambassador, the party unanimously picks Corrin to parley with the dragon.  The dragon reveals her name to be Oosalu.  She also tells Corrin that priestess Bowyn was in Hallowacher but she does not know where she is.  She indicates that maybe the "dog faced" people took her and that only the party and her "bard friend" know of her existence.  Immediately taking a liking to this dragon, Corrin offers the Dragon a fork that he had stolen from the dragon as a sign of friendship.  After some hijinxs, the party leaves the cave with a slowed Davynn.

Following the other set of tracks they found, the party soon happens upon a group Gnolls which the party dispatches with relative ease by flinging A GOD DAMN LIGHNTING SHOOTING BALL OF HALFLING RAGE into the center of the group.  After murderlizing the Gnolls and their "puppies" some of the party members try to mimic Corrin's lightning shooting abilities.  After a short rest, the party continues on the trail until encountering a group of Ghouls.  Being faced with the horrors of the undead both Davynn and Kern reveal magical abilities.  With the Ghouls dealt with and the party continues tracking the prints they were following eventually coming upon a second group of Gnolls.  The party also gets the drop on these and battle ensues.  The battle rages with Corrin and Annie tag teaming about half of the force in their "Lightning halfling riding a bear combo" and Xylund and Kern sharing a intense moment of "healing" while Davynn expertly controls the battle field with shots from his bow.  Xylund also totally hits things and does damage…  With the Gnolls defeated the party frees the Gnoll's prisoner and gets the information of "damned revear" and a picture of a mountain and spirals.  With that, the go to sleep and await the next day.

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“mmmmmm oh yeah… caves and dragons… that’s the good stuff”
Episode 2

 

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With the shadow beasts slain, our heroes spend a drunken night at the Corrupt Conjurous (evetually corrected to be the Corrupted Conjurous).  After several hours of debauchery, Corrin is endowed with a stroke of inspiration that allows him to connect the potential summoner of these shadow beasts to the name of the tavern.  A drunken inquisition of the bartender ensues but is ultimately fruitless.

After a night of rest, where 60% of the party either refuses to sleep in the beds provided to them or changes the bedding into something significantly less comfortable, the party learns that stories of their exploits have already traveled outside the town.  A courier from the shrine of Nenemeth in Northshire arrives at the tavern with a letter of summons for the party.  After an intense discussion of how their deeds could be heard of in less than one day, the group heads to NorthShire in search of adventure.  During this trek the party’s most deadly combination attack to date is born: the voltron configuration of Xylund and Corrin.

Upon reaching Northshire the party splits up (GASP) to gather information and get Annie some bling.  With the side quests done, our heroes visit the hall of Nenemeth.  They are greeted by an older women named mistress Lina who welcomes the party and feeds them some sort of questionable stew. They are then introduced to Tavaris, an 18 year old cleric that looks like he is trying to multiclass into fighter, cleric, wizard, ranger, and edgy teenager.  He asks the party for their assistance in rescuing the head cleric of the town, priestess Bowyn.

Upon learning that Bowyn may be a prisoner of a dragon in a cave, both Davynn and Annie leave the group for a short period of time to “relieve” their excitement.  Eventually, the party agrees to find priestess Bowyn.  On their way out of the hall the party learns from mistress Lina the history of a sorcerous 200 years ago that saved the town of Merstone from being consistently banished to the shadow realm for losing children’s card games.

Our heroes then head out to Hallowarch to find more information about Bowyn.  On the rather uneventful travel to Hallowarch, Xylund gains proficiency in Corrin based weapon systems.  Upon walking through the forest to Hallowarch, the party discovers a pillar of smoke and investigates.  The smoke is then discovered to be coming from the burned and charred remains of Hallowarch and its denizens.  The party examines the town and finds that the people were killed in two different ways.  One set of people were burned to death while the others were attacked by creatures with claws (assuming wolves/ wild dogs).  The party, wanting vengeance for this wrong, follows the tracks out of the town and come to a branching path.  One path contains canine-like footprints while the other path appears to have large claw tracks (totally not dragon tracks).  The party then decides to follow the dog tracks… actually no, why would we do that when the other option is a dragon?

The party then follows the tracks to a cave in the nearby hills where mystery awaits.

 

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“Well we didn’t’ kill 2/3 of the named characters….”
Episode 1

 

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Our adventure begins with our heroes leaving Greyloch, one of the 12 great cities of Iyith.  Recruited by the clerical hierarchy of Eston that rules the city, the party is sent via caravan to the small village of Merstone to take care of a problem terrorizing the country side.  Assuming that competition drives results, the clergy offered a 100 gold reward to the single person who stops the killing of people and livestock in the countryside.  The collective party’s mothers, however, didn’t raise no fools and realized that their best chances of survival were to team up with the most non-evil looking characters in the caravan.

Thus the current party was formed.  Comprised of: a baby faced, naïve, and easily excitable (in multiple ways) young boy named Davynn, a distant, curt, ex-military man named Xylund who totally has experience hitting and killing things <s>despite evidence to the contrary</s>, a very angry, half naked halfing named Corrin who already has spited the party out of sheer boredom, a slightly paranoid retired sailor named Kern whose unwillingness to kill his enemies will more than likely be his demise, and finally a slightly awkward, tree hugging, wood elf with “jedi-like” knaaaawledge named annwy… awnaal… Aanawl…fuck it his name is Ann.

The party is introduced to the local priest of Eston, Maren Ekel, and is given a brief overview of what the dire situation is.  After the introduction the party immediately “splits ups and searches for clues”.  While Xylund, Corrin, and Ann search the surrounding area for signs of an attack.  Davynn and Kern try gather information in town.  While Xylund is highly successful in finding an attack site in the woods Kern finds out about the most recent victim, a loner name A-Aron, who had no family and no livestock.  Meanwhile Davynn attempts recruit the other people out for this bounty to join the party.  One such person is a cleric named Yselle(maybe?) who uses her wild, womanly, whimsical, ways to wryly and wrongfully  woo and enwapture the unexperienced (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) Davynn.  After sending Davynn on his way thoroughly unsatisfied, Yselle heads into the woods while a mysterious and silent paladin leaves to investigate the country side.

With information in hand the party follows Ann who tracks drag marks and blood stains through the woods.  Along the way the party meets an Elvin ranger named Amra who viciously taunts and mocks them and then promptly disappears.  The party continues tracking the tracks and finds an area of a recent kill.  Just then, they here a woman’s scream and heroically leaps into what is definitely totally not a trap.  Surprisingly when our heroes arrive in the clearing, there is no woman, only an ambush lying in wait designed by Yselle, Amra and Yselle’s unnamed brother.

After varying amounts of kick assery, where in a strange turn of events the halfing Corrin climbs up into a tree to fight the wood elf ranger and wins, Amra is slain and Yselle and her brother and captured.   The party then rests and is half-heartedly awakened by the monsters that have been terrorizing the town.  The next morning the party discusses what to do with the prisoners, the group decides to release them because a) Corrin is really bored and is itching to do it anyways and b) Yeselle offers information on how to destroy the monsters.

Yeselle’s information leads the party to a captured red haired dwarf named Sardrith Woldforge who takes an immediate liking to Corrin.  After releasing the dwarf she reveals that these monsters are actually shadow doggos from the SHADOW REALM that either slipped into our reality or were summoned by some sort of corrupt conjuror or conjurous.  After agreeing to let the dwarf receive the entire bounty for killing the shadow beasts, she lets the party know that these monstrosities can only be killed with magic weapons of questionable legality, which she provides.

The party tracks the beasts to their lair and indiscriminately kills all denizens with extreme prejudice.  With the “poor beasts” killed Sardrith leaves to collect the bounty and the party returns to town.  Upon returning, the party is offered 5 gold pieces and lodging for to the night at the totally not suspiciously named tavern: The Corrupt Conjurous, which the party will probably not connect with the plot seeing as how intelligence is their collective dump stat.

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